My stuff talks smack about me.
(in case you’re confused about the difference between smack talk and trash talk, here’s a helpful tutorial from Kelly Kapoor)
I open up my cabinet and the Instant Pot taunts me: “how many times have you really pulled me off this shelf and used me?”
I open my closet and clothes scream, “hey there, chubby, you don’t think you could actually wear me, do you?”
I open a drawer in my craft dresser, and the watercolor pencils say, “woah, remember the last time you tried to use me? You were soooo bad at it!”
Everywhere I have clutter, there is a voice emanating from it. And they’re rarely kind:
“quitter”
“worthless”
“idiot”
“slacker”
“slob”
“loser”
“hack”
And those voices aren’t just mean. They’re loud. Loud enough to drown out other voices I want to hear and need to hear.
Some of my things actually have beautiful voices. I love fresh flowers and I usually keep a few small arrangements in different rooms of my house. Sometimes it’s just a few sprigs of pine or wildflowers from the yard, sometimes it’s a bouquet from the grocery store, but those flowers typically sing reminders to me that there is beauty in the world.
I don’t want to drown out those beautiful voices.
I also don’t want to drown out the voices that truly help me become a better person.
But clutter doesn’t make me become a better person. Clutter doesn’t speak encouragement or motivation, it speaks shame. And voices of shame rarely motivate us to grow. In fact, researcher, author, and speaker Brené Brown defines shame as,
“the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. I don’t believe shame is helpful or productive. In fact, I think shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure.” (you can find more of Brené’s work here)
I hear the watercolor pencils tell me I am flawed every time I open the craft drawer. I feel the shame of unworthiness when my closet is filled with clothes that don’t fit.
As I declutter my home, I am realizing how powerful those voices can be, even when I don’t realize they’re speaking to me. They can create shame patterns that spiral into the hurtful and destructive cycles Brené acknowledge.
There are a lot of voices I need to listen to, like the voice that tells me I am wonderfully made, fully and beautifully loved.
I also need to listen to the voices that help me grow – like the voices of loving friends, or the fresh veggies calling out to be chosen over the leftover soda bread.
It’s one thing to silence the voice of an underused Instant Pot, accessory or craft item. It would be a whole other thing to try to silence the voice of an upside-down budget by shredding your bills instead of paying them. I’m not advocating for shirking responsibility but reminding myself that it’s ok to remove voices that speak unnecessary and destructive shame from my life in order to clear space for what is really necessary and beneficial in my life.
Anyone want a barely used Instant Pot?
Uncovering Real 