Tag: decluttering challenge

Week 6: “What Did I Miss”

Donna Joy

(I’m already on my way to get to the bottom of this….what did I miss?)

I’ve chosen to evaluate my belongings in the context of categories instead of room by room, which has been really helpful for me. I like thinking about the items in terms of how I use them, why I purchase them, and how/where/how long I store them as a whole group. However, this approach also makes it possible for things to be passed over, either because they get forgotten, or put off, or are hiding. 

So I’m dedicating this week to addressing what I’ve missed along the way. Some of it will be going room by room and evaluating items that never quite fit one of the 5 weeks so far. Some of it will be putting some spaces back together.

I sorted through my sentimental items and photos this past week, but they’ve been sitting in their sorted piles around my house for a few days as I’ve debated how to store them. After checking all the boxes and bins I’ve emptied from other categories recently, I found bins that will work well for most of the sentimental items that made the cut, but not my photos. (not even the photo boxes I bought for games before sorting my games, then realized I didn’t need. whomp-whomp.) I hemmed and hawed and tried dresser drawers and all sorts of unconventional places, then finally decided I was spending more time and effort trying to avoid buying something new than it was worth. So I ordered a few boxes, after checking the measurements several times to ensure they’d fit the senior portrait packages, class photos and other pictures that are designed to never fit neatly in a standard size box.
In the meantime, the piles of photos and sentimental items laying around feel heavy and stressful, compared to the spaces I’ve been working on lightening up, and the spaces I’ve let them stack up are already starting to act like clutter magnets.  This week, I want to complete those leftover tasks that are weighing down my spaces and for the spaces I haven’t addressed yet, I plan to try out a method of decluttering I’ve been avoiding like a child being offered brussel sprouts. 

Because…brussel sprouts are one of my favorite foods now, so…maybe it’s worth a shot, too? 

Photo Contents: Piles of photos, each with the lid of a different box that proved to be too small for the sizes of photos I want to store in them, so here they sit, awaiting their new homes.

Week 5, Day 6: More Photos

Donna Joy

One of the things I was looking forward to in this journey was gaining more of an awareness of what I have. It is so easy for me to live disconnected in so many areas – I don’t grow my own food, I don’t make my own clothes, life is increasingly virtual – especially this past year. The act of going through my possessions is bringing a level of awareness of what I own but it is also breaking through disconnection in other ways.

Going through my photos forces me to see what I have in a different way. It reminds me of the variety of experiences I’ve been able to have, from the births of my children, to bowling with friends on a random trip to Illinois; Singing in choirs from churches to Carnegie Hall to more outdoor adventures than I could remember; weddings, funerals, parties and memorials. It reminds me of relationships that have spanned decades and relationships that have come and gone, or changed significantly. It reminds me of the thoughts I had at the very beginning of this blog:

“The transformation from dust and to dust is not limited to just our literal birth and death, it is found in every season of our lives. In every season there are cycles of creation, dust, waiting and re-creation.”

Some photos were reminders of the dust, some were reminders of the cycles of creation I see in my relationships. I loved reaching out to a few friends and family members this week, sharing with them some of the little memories I found. I loved sitting with my child at the end of a long day, reminiscing and laughing at old school journals and projects.

And I love that there is still room my photo boxes. There are seasons of recreation still to come, and more photos to be taken.

Image Contents: A throw-back photo of the author and her favorite childhood dog (a Great Dane), posing like horse and jockey.

Week 5, Day 5: Photos

Donna Joy

Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Today I continued sentimental. I could do a month in this category alone.

While there are numerous other things I could round out the week with, I decided to face my photos. 

I’m old enough to have lived through disposable cameras, 35mm film, and the Official Scrapbooking Parties where you paid money for a salesperson to teach you the only way to respect your loved ones is to buy all of the salesperson’s official Acid Free photo paper, albums, stickers, markers, pens, scissors, trimmers, protectors and other accessories and write a scrapbook novel highlighting the incredibly special photos in each sleeve of pictures you picked up at the one-hour photo center.

And I have photos from all of those periods.

Including photos from at least 2 of those parties. 

And let’s face it.  If my donation sale was stocked in part by all the crafts I realized I will never have time to master or even attempt well, I can be pretty stinking sure I am not scrapbooking the photos from my junior high youth group game night anytime soon. (Confession: my mind just designed a horrifying scrapbook for it anyway, complete with a hypercolor cover, neon paper and photos held in place by aqua-net super hold. Long live the 80s and may it rest in peace and never return.) (Another confession: I actually went to jr. high and high school mostly in the 90s, but aqua net hairspray takes a long time to wash out of your life.)

ANYWAY, I approached photos today in the strength of knowing I did not need to make this a craft project. I also did not need to feel shame about how disorganized they are, or guilt for not having done anything with them earlier beyond tossing photos in photo boxes, sometimes randomly. Life can be hard and for me, in-depth photo organization is one thing I don’t really regret letting go. 

I kept my process SUPER simple, because anything more and I would be overwhelmed and not have the capacity to complete it.

I got out my trusty post-its (I decluttered a lot of them a few weeks ago, but kept a few different sizes and colors because those things make every project better and I love them) and set labels out in front of me: one for each of my 3 children alone, one for friends, extended family, etc. 

One by one I pulled photo boxes down from their shelf and sorted the photos into those piles. 

Every few photos, my old voices would try to interrupt: Shouldn’t you be organizing this by date? I can’t believe you haven’t labelled every picture. What if you die and no one knows if this photo is son 1 or son 2? Wait, is that son 1 or son 2? Wow, you’re a really bad mom. and photo organizer. 

Over and over I shushed the shame and reminded myself that anything I do today is better than it was yesterday. I got through about half my photos boxes today. For that group, I now know what photos I have. I know where to look if there’s a photo I want to show someone or use for something. 

And for today, that is enough.

Oh, and I also know I no longer need to store precious gems like this double vision photo. buh-bye. 

Week 5, Day 4: Donation Garage Sale Part 2

Donna Joy

There are experts who will tell you never to have a garage sale. (You end up storing stuff to wait for it, you never get a good return on your time, you waste time and money prepping for it, etc.)

There are experts who tell you to definitely have a garage sale. (sell EVERYTHING on your path to get out of debt, get rid of your stuff and make a little cash doing it, etc.)

I have typically been closer to the first camp. I’ve hosted a couple garage sales in the past, but they’ve always been fundraisers for specific organizations or causes I care about. For those, I gathered help, made a plan in advance for the leftovers, set up refreshments manned by adorable little bakers and lemonade servers, merchandized the inventory and advertised extensively.

This was the first time I’ve ever said, “hey, I should have a garage sale, right now, in the middle of the afternoon, while I’m home by myself and haven’t told anyone to advertise.”

A few things I learned anyway:

-It.is.exhausting. Even just the set up/tear down process of dragging everything out, dragging everything in when it got dark, dragging it back out the next day, dragging it to the garage or curb or car trunk after. Then comes getting rid of the leftovers, not to mention any time manning it.

-It is typically a horrible return on investment. Granted, some of the fundraisers I’ve had in the past brought in a very significant amount of money donated, and this one today most likely would have been much more profitable had I scheduled and advertised ahead, employed help, etc. 

-If you tell someone you are having a garage sale, 99.9999999% of the time, they will offer you their own items to bring to sell. Or they’ll just drop them off at your house. when you’re not there. on your driveway. in unmarked bags. with no contact info. 

-At least one middle aged or older man will drive by the garage sale and ask “well then, how much for the garage?”

-people will come by and say, “this is so nice, I can’t believe you’re just getting rid of it” and you will have to decide how much you want to tell a complete stranger about your journey to less stuff while standing with masks on talking across a lawn. Or the version from people who know you, “I can’t believe you’re getting rid of THIS!” (that comment from friends was usually referring craft items.)

After hosting my, uh, pop-up sale (does that make it sound more modern, inviting, and trendy than “last-minute garage sale?”) I confirmed garage sales are not my jam.

I loved getting to see some friends and neighbors I haven’t seen in at least a year. I loved gathering donation money from it. I loved getting rid of stuff. But it was 2 days of work I wasn’t planning on doing and I still have lots of stuff left to donate. (Plus two unidentified bags of donations.)

If you are getting out of debt or saving for a specific goal, go for it. Sell like it’s your job. 

If you’re just trying to get rid of stuff, just get rid of your stuff.

For me, getting rid of (the rest of) my stuff is going to mean a little tour of donation centers over the next couple days and I can.not.wait to come back home after it’s all delivered and assess how everything looks and feels. 

Week 5, Day 3: Breaking News

Donna Joy

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming for an important update:

Today I had an epiphany.

Like, a this-is-life-changing-while-also-super-obvious-why-didn’t-I realize-this-earlier-I-even-wrote-a-whole-post-about-it, kind of epiphany.

I am not motivated by shame.

I am stressed by shame.

I am physically afflicted by shame.

I am not motivated by shame.

And yet somehow, when I started this journey, I thought the most helpful and motivating thing for myself would be to keep every single item I am removing from my home in one place, so I could see the impact all together. (Read: so I could sit at the end of the challenge and wallow in a big old pile of shame clutter and hope those shame surges would motivate me to not bring so much stuff into my house in the future.)

Here’s what actually happened:

Everyday I put more and more donation items in my son’s bedroom (while he is away at college).

I balanced bags on top of boxes on top of bags. 

I got multiple piles in and started thinking about how I need to go back and re-organize what’s in there, since I realized partway through, I will likely give different types of items to different organizations.

I spent a significant amount of time with the back of my head clogged with thoughts about how I needed to Organize.The.Clutter.I’m.Giving.Away.

Let that sit a second.

Every time I go in the give-away room I’m stressed at trying to find a place for things, to the point that some things have lingered in other rooms instead of going straight to give-away because I was avoiding going in there. 

Then yesterday I decided to move some furniture around in my living/dining room.

As I walked into the rearranged room today, I caught my breath at how beautiful and peaceful it was.

I instantly wanted to do more and have that feeling in the rest of the house. 

That motivated me.

It made me feel free, lighter, peaceful. 

Right then I decided to immediately get rid of as much of my donations as possible. 

I walked outside and stuck a sign on the front yard, along with a post in my local swap and sell group that I was having a “donate what you can, if you can” sale, along with a donation link to my favorite non-profit.

It was late in the day for an outdoor “sale” and very last minute, but even so, a number of items now have very happy new owners and the non-profit has a little more money than they did yesterday. 

There are still lots of things left, so I plan to put the remainder out for one more day. Then I’ll box anything left back up, deliver it this week, and let the house and myself breathe a little deeper and feel a little freer. 

Because it turns out, being able to breathe a little deeper and a little freer is what really motivates me. 

On Wednesdays We Reflect: Week 4 Reflections

Donna Joy

My stuff talks smack about me.

(in case you’re confused about the difference between smack talk and trash talk, here’s a helpful tutorial from Kelly Kapoor)

I open up my cabinet and the Instant Pot taunts me: “how many times have you really pulled me off this shelf and used me?”

I open my closet and clothes scream, “hey there, chubby, you don’t think you could actually wear me, do you?”

I open a drawer in my craft dresser, and the watercolor pencils say, “woah, remember the last time you tried to use me? You were soooo bad at it!”

Everywhere I have clutter, there is a voice emanating from it. And they’re rarely kind:

“quitter”

“worthless”

 “idiot”

“slacker”

“slob”

“loser”

“hack”

And those voices aren’t just mean. They’re loud. Loud enough to drown out other voices I want to hear and need to hear. 

Some of my things actually have beautiful voices. I love fresh flowers and I usually keep a few small arrangements in different rooms of my house. Sometimes it’s just a few sprigs of pine or wildflowers from the yard, sometimes it’s a bouquet from the grocery store, but those flowers typically sing reminders to me that there is beauty in the world.

I don’t want to drown out those beautiful voices. 

I also don’t want to drown out the voices that truly help me become a better person.

But clutter doesn’t make me become a better person. Clutter doesn’t speak encouragement or motivation, it speaks shame. And voices of shame rarely motivate us to grow. In fact, researcher, author, and speaker Brené Brown defines shame as,

“the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. I don’t believe shame is helpful or productive. In fact, I think shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure.” (you can find more of Brené’s work here)

I hear the watercolor pencils tell me I am flawed every time I open the craft drawer. I feel the shame of unworthiness when my closet is filled with clothes that don’t fit. 

As I declutter my home, I am realizing how powerful those voices can be, even when I don’t realize they’re speaking to me. They can create shame patterns that spiral into the hurtful and destructive cycles Brené acknowledge. 

There are a lot of voices I need to listen to, like the voice that tells me I am wonderfully made, fully and beautifully loved.

I also need to listen to the voices that help me grow – like the voices of loving friends, or the fresh veggies calling out to be chosen over the leftover soda bread. 

It’s one thing to silence the voice of an underused Instant Pot, accessory or craft item. It would be a whole other thing to try to silence the voice of an upside-down budget by shredding your bills instead of paying them. I’m not advocating for shirking responsibility but reminding myself that it’s ok to remove voices that speak unnecessary and destructive shame from my life in order to clear space for what is really necessary and beneficial in my life. 

Anyone want a barely used Instant Pot?

Week 3, Day 5: Technology

Donna Joy

In his Becoming Minimalist  email this morning, Joshua Becker encouraged his readers to consider Spring Decluttering instead of simply Spring Cleaning. In his list of tips, he suggested asking yourself questions like “what would I use if I didn’t have this item?” 

I asked the same question while evaluating my craft supplies this past week, forcing myself to consider if the item I was looking at was the only way I could accomplish a given task.

Today, I read the question differently.

I had already scheduled technology for my category of the day, and was planning on looking at our devices, electronic games, piles of random cords, etc.

As I pondered “what would I use if I didn’t have this item” in terms of my electronics, the question took on a whole new meaning:

What activity or task would I be able to complete if I wasn’t playing this game?

What interaction would I engage in if I wasn’t interacting with this technology?

Don’t get me wrong, I think there is a place for numerous kinds of technology and screens – including video games. Over the past year, all four of us were able to attend school because we had our devices. 

Some video games have been proven to be helpful in fine motor and some gross motor skills. Video games can be great tools to build relationships, especially in otherwise potentially awkward situations. 

They have also been linked to all sorts of anti-social and problematic behaviors.

I listened to a Ted Radio Hour about Play a couple years ago and one of the featured speakers shed some light on one possible explanation for the difference between the positive benefits and potentially dangerous outcomes associated with video games. (The entire episode is fabulous, IMO, but if you want to skip to the section where they cover this concept, it starts around 35:15.)

They suggested why you play the game matters. If you approach screen time as  entertainment or an interactive group activity, it can be enriching and relaxing. If you approach screen time as an escape, a means to not deal with your emotions, your responsibilities or the world around you, it can lead to unhealthy outcomes. (While I haven’t spent much time researching this, I imagine the same principle holds true for many other activities, not just screens. Books, food, exercise, even relationships approached as a means of escape can also lead to unhealthy outcomes.)

So back to Becker’s question, “What would I use if I didn’t have this item?”

If my children and I didn’t have our laptops, going to class and other tasks would be a lot more difficult, especially during this pandemic season. They’re a keeper. (I meant the laptops, but the kids, too.)

If I didn’t have the game Fishdom on my phone, I’d probably be less tempted to open it up and beat a few levels before starting on dinner. Or I might be more apt to read some of the books that survived the cut yesterday. I’m all for entertainment and times of relaxation, but hundreds of levels in, I think my relationship to Fishdom has breached the line to escapism. Buh-bye. 

Note: I am very mindful of the many people who do not have adequate tools (including private spaces) to engage in school, work and other activities well in this current environment. We are extremely grateful for our sufficient technology, housing, food, and other met needs and wants, especially during this pandemic. We have also supported a couple organizations we love who are doing incredible work to lessen the disparity gaps in our culture which COVID-19 has significantly widened. If you’d like to learn more, send me a message or drop a question in the comments.

Week 3, Day 1: Crafts

Donna Joy

There’s a common rule in decluttering: If you haven’t used it in [3mths, 6mths, 1 year, etc] get rid of it. It’s basically decluttering via time limits.

Of course, you could just dust the house in your prom dress every 3 months to avoid getting rid of that lovely pile of turquoise tulle.

(ok, my prom dress was a thin champagne pink polyester, but my sister’s prom dress was asymmetrical layers of amazing turquoise tulle, and her date wore white tails and my elementary school eyes decided late ’80s fashion was the most beautifully romantic thing in the world and I still haven’t recovered.)

Anyway, back to time limit decluttering.

Rules like this are nice and safe becuase they’re so clean cut and neat.  You rely on the rules to make the decisions, removing the complications and emotions. The rules can be helpful to see what you use, see what you prioritize and help you make quick decisions when you need to.

But there’s something I’ve been realizing as I evaluate what I really need, as I work to uncover real. 

Real isn’t usually about when I last used it.

My decisions are often more complicated than that. 

I recently used mini clothespins to hang up slips of paper we were using in a game. As I cleaned out my craft dresser today, (this week will be all about what we do for fun: entertainment, hobbies, activities, etc.) I came across those clothespins. They’re cute, they’re in perfect shape and I used them within the last couple weeks. Slam dunk keeper. The rule of last use time limits just gave me an excuse to keep something I don’t really need. Except as I stopped to think about when I last used them, I realized I used them because they were there. If they weren’t there, I would have used something else.

Over and over I’ve been looking at items and saying some version of, “Oh, I need to keep this because I use it for….”  When in reality, I could use any number of things.

Maybe I need to ask questions like, “Is this the only thing I can use for that purpose?” “If I didn’t have this, what would I use?”

I’m pretty sure donating my little bag full of mini wooden clothespins is not going to leave me high and dry or keep me from living my best life. buh-bye.

<p class="has-large-font-size" style="line-height:6.5" value="<amp-fit-text layout="fixed-height" min-font-size="6" max-font-size="72" height="80"><br>

On Wednesdays We Reflect: Week 1 Reflections

Donna Joy

Over the past week, I’ve begun filling my son’s room with all the items I’ve boxed and bagged for donations. He’s away at college, and so his room seemed the best place to store them. The common wisdom in decluttering is to get donations out of your house immediately, so they don’t become just differently-located clutter and so you’re not tempted to pull things back out of the bag. I’ve followed this advice before, but for this season I want to see the pile.

I had a friend many years ago who stuck a pound of butter in the freezer for every pound of weight she lost. This would totally backfire for me, as I would see the pile of butter and immediately begin planning out recipes to use it…but the visual was motivating for her. Any time she was frustrated at having “only” lost a pound between weigh-ins, she would hold a box of butter and think, “last week I was walking around with this on my body. Now I’m not. That’s significant.”

There’s an element of wanting to see that significance in why I’m keeping the donates for now. When I bring a bag to the donation center, it’s gone. I don’t have to think about it anymore. That quick release can be freeing. But it can also be an escape. Once I drop a bag off, I’m released from the stuff, and also from facing how much I accumulate and why I accumulated it. Immediately getting rid of donate bags can be getting rid of the evidence instead of getting rid of the problem.

Because the “stuff” is likely not the problem. Stuff is more often a symptom of a problem, so getting rid of stuff alone is often just managing symptoms.

Uncovering real can’t become symptom management, it needs to look past the symptoms, uncovering the underlying conditions of my heart.  
In order to understand the magnitude of the problem, I want to sit with the magnitude of the tangible stuff. I want to celebrate the pound of victory butter in my fridge, and also acknowledge all the extra pounds I’ve been storing up, and the realities which allowed it all entry into my space.

This week I’m sitting with seven bags – the ashes which remain of purses I thought would make my life easier, shoes on too good a sale to resist, and clothes I hoped would make me beautiful and accepted, along with items which were once appropriate and even necessary, but for a life I no longer have. 

I’m letting go of what I don’t need in this season, letting it turn to ash so I can sit in humility, mortality, and intimacy, preparing to receive what’s next.

Challenge Week 1, Day 5

Donna Joy



Yesterday I went through a trunk in my room storing clothes that are too small for me. As I pulled each item out, I thought about it. Was I holding onto that dress because I really liked it, or because I really like the memory of the amazing backyard bridal shower my step-sister threw? Do I like this sweater, or just that fabulous restaurant where I wore it? Do I really need to hold on to these?

I kept a few things – a few fancy dresses I wasn’t ready to part with, a few summer dresses I’ll revisit as the weather gets warmer.  Between that purge and the few days before, I piled up 5 garbage bags for donation and another of trash. 

It felt a little horrifying to see. It felt more horrifying to walk back and see everything still full. A few things moved from the drawers to the closet to make room for specialty things like bathing suits and painting clothes in the dresser.  There’s still some coats in the coat closet. Still plenty of clothes in my closet and drawers. Still jewelry in my jewelry drawer after decluttering today and I’m sure there will still be shoes, purses, hats and headbands tomorrow after I review my accessories. 

But when I walked into my room for something today, it felt lighter.

I didn’t place it at first. It just kept catching me. Like catching a breath. 

And that’s what it was. 

Room to breathe. 

It’s not just that my closet and drawers reflect what I really like, the items in them also have space to breathe, not straining and stressing against their spaces. And so do I.