Tag: decluttering

Week 6, Day 2: Experimenting With a Different Method

Donna Joy

I’ve ingested quite a number of books, blogs, podcasts and youtube videos on decluttering and minimalism. (Oh the irony of my consumption of minimalism media.)

I’ve gleaned a number of things which work for me (timers are an essential part of my routines) and things which don’t (no, I don’t think the answer to a messy house is to just stick everything you have in baskets).

There is one decluttering method I’ve come across in a few places. I hate almost everything about it. Except: it works really well and solves a lot of the problems I create for myself, and apparently it’s just about perfect for me. But, you know, other than that…

Mostly I don’t like it because it goes against how I usually declutter. But how I usually declutter leaves me exhausted and often leaves my house in worse shape than when I started, so… I decided maybe it was worth trying… for research. 

The method is from Dana K. White of A Slob Comes Clean. She has multiple blog posts, youtube videos and books detailing what she’s learned over the past decade or so of her journey, I’m just going to highlight her method of “decluttering without making a bigger mess.”

Here’s what she says you need to get started:

1st: a donate-able donations bag/bin. (so you can just put the whole bag in the car and drop it off at a donation center.)

2nd: a garbage bag

3rd: your feet or someone helping you if you need assistance (yeah, it’s a little cheesy, but she’s going somewhere with it, so I’m including it) 

During your decluttering session you’re going to stick to a small, defined area and ask yourself two questions as you go:

  1. If I needed this item, where would I look for it? (take it there. now.)
  2. If I needed this item, would it ever occur to me that I already have one? (If not, get rid of it because I’d just buy a new one if I needed it.)

It’s her parenthesied directions that get to me:

Why would I take it there immediately? It breaks up the process! I’d get distracted! I can’t imagine how tired I’d be if I stopped with every item to put it somewhere else and came back! I’ll just make a pile as I go.

The second question is not as difficult for me, but I still feel the arguments rise up inside: What a waste of money! It’s a perfectly good item! Why would I buy a new one when I have one?!

But I tried it anyway.

Normally my decluttering process is more like:

dump everything out. sort every single item. get distracted. come back. look through the piles to remember what the sorting method was. get distracted. come back. finish sorting everything. feel accomplished but tired. look around and see scattered piles of donate, garbage, keep, bring to another room, etc. feel overwhelmed and frustrated with myself. 

Sometimes the piles would get addressed right then. Sometimes I’d need to move on to something else and the piles would linger, becoming magnets for more clutter and more frustration. 

So today, I picked one drawer and implemented the rules. She encourages you to start with the easiest stuff – usually trash. I didn’t have any obvious trash in the drawer, but found plenty of things which needed to be delivered to other places. I love her first question because it’s totally real, not aspirational and unattainable. You’re not designing a whole organizing system and creating places for something. You’re acknowledging how you actually operate. If she asked me where my favorite multi-bit screw driver belongs, I might be tempted to think about places on the workbench I should  keep it. When she asks where I would I look for it, my immediate answer is, “the kitchen drawer.” Ok, so don’t beat yourself up over whether that’s the right answer or not, go put it in the kitchen drawer! If there’s not room in the kitchen drawer, get rid of one thing in the kitchen drawer and now you have room. 

I still found it hard to deliver the items immediately. I was tired. I repeatedly found myself going to make a pile of something. But I forced myself to do it – looking around first to see if there was anything else I could take at the same time to save a trip. At one point the phone rang and I left to go answer it somewhere else. When I came back to the drawer, all that waited for me was an empty garbage bag, a partially filled donate bag and progress. Nothing totally dumped out. No piles. No mess. I could walk away right then and it would be better than I started.

This is the beauty of Dana’s method. You’re always at a stopping point and your stopping point is always better than when you started. 

So like I said, I hate almost everything about it. Except it works really well, solves a lot of the problems I create for myself, and apparently it’s just about perfect for me. 

Image Contents: What my spaces often look like AFTER I declutter – random piles of stuff that need to be delivered to other places, often tossed in bags that sit in the hall or basement until I set aside time to deal with the items inside. again.

Week 6: “What Did I Miss”

Donna Joy

(I’m already on my way to get to the bottom of this….what did I miss?)

I’ve chosen to evaluate my belongings in the context of categories instead of room by room, which has been really helpful for me. I like thinking about the items in terms of how I use them, why I purchase them, and how/where/how long I store them as a whole group. However, this approach also makes it possible for things to be passed over, either because they get forgotten, or put off, or are hiding. 

So I’m dedicating this week to addressing what I’ve missed along the way. Some of it will be going room by room and evaluating items that never quite fit one of the 5 weeks so far. Some of it will be putting some spaces back together.

I sorted through my sentimental items and photos this past week, but they’ve been sitting in their sorted piles around my house for a few days as I’ve debated how to store them. After checking all the boxes and bins I’ve emptied from other categories recently, I found bins that will work well for most of the sentimental items that made the cut, but not my photos. (not even the photo boxes I bought for games before sorting my games, then realized I didn’t need. whomp-whomp.) I hemmed and hawed and tried dresser drawers and all sorts of unconventional places, then finally decided I was spending more time and effort trying to avoid buying something new than it was worth. So I ordered a few boxes, after checking the measurements several times to ensure they’d fit the senior portrait packages, class photos and other pictures that are designed to never fit neatly in a standard size box.
In the meantime, the piles of photos and sentimental items laying around feel heavy and stressful, compared to the spaces I’ve been working on lightening up, and the spaces I’ve let them stack up are already starting to act like clutter magnets.  This week, I want to complete those leftover tasks that are weighing down my spaces and for the spaces I haven’t addressed yet, I plan to try out a method of decluttering I’ve been avoiding like a child being offered brussel sprouts. 

Because…brussel sprouts are one of my favorite foods now, so…maybe it’s worth a shot, too? 

Photo Contents: Piles of photos, each with the lid of a different box that proved to be too small for the sizes of photos I want to store in them, so here they sit, awaiting their new homes.

Week 5, Day 6: More Photos

Donna Joy

One of the things I was looking forward to in this journey was gaining more of an awareness of what I have. It is so easy for me to live disconnected in so many areas – I don’t grow my own food, I don’t make my own clothes, life is increasingly virtual – especially this past year. The act of going through my possessions is bringing a level of awareness of what I own but it is also breaking through disconnection in other ways.

Going through my photos forces me to see what I have in a different way. It reminds me of the variety of experiences I’ve been able to have, from the births of my children, to bowling with friends on a random trip to Illinois; Singing in choirs from churches to Carnegie Hall to more outdoor adventures than I could remember; weddings, funerals, parties and memorials. It reminds me of relationships that have spanned decades and relationships that have come and gone, or changed significantly. It reminds me of the thoughts I had at the very beginning of this blog:

“The transformation from dust and to dust is not limited to just our literal birth and death, it is found in every season of our lives. In every season there are cycles of creation, dust, waiting and re-creation.”

Some photos were reminders of the dust, some were reminders of the cycles of creation I see in my relationships. I loved reaching out to a few friends and family members this week, sharing with them some of the little memories I found. I loved sitting with my child at the end of a long day, reminiscing and laughing at old school journals and projects.

And I love that there is still room my photo boxes. There are seasons of recreation still to come, and more photos to be taken.

Image Contents: A throw-back photo of the author and her favorite childhood dog (a Great Dane), posing like horse and jockey.

Week 5, Day 5: Photos

Donna Joy

Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Today I continued sentimental. I could do a month in this category alone.

While there are numerous other things I could round out the week with, I decided to face my photos. 

I’m old enough to have lived through disposable cameras, 35mm film, and the Official Scrapbooking Parties where you paid money for a salesperson to teach you the only way to respect your loved ones is to buy all of the salesperson’s official Acid Free photo paper, albums, stickers, markers, pens, scissors, trimmers, protectors and other accessories and write a scrapbook novel highlighting the incredibly special photos in each sleeve of pictures you picked up at the one-hour photo center.

And I have photos from all of those periods.

Including photos from at least 2 of those parties. 

And let’s face it.  If my donation sale was stocked in part by all the crafts I realized I will never have time to master or even attempt well, I can be pretty stinking sure I am not scrapbooking the photos from my junior high youth group game night anytime soon. (Confession: my mind just designed a horrifying scrapbook for it anyway, complete with a hypercolor cover, neon paper and photos held in place by aqua-net super hold. Long live the 80s and may it rest in peace and never return.) (Another confession: I actually went to jr. high and high school mostly in the 90s, but aqua net hairspray takes a long time to wash out of your life.)

ANYWAY, I approached photos today in the strength of knowing I did not need to make this a craft project. I also did not need to feel shame about how disorganized they are, or guilt for not having done anything with them earlier beyond tossing photos in photo boxes, sometimes randomly. Life can be hard and for me, in-depth photo organization is one thing I don’t really regret letting go. 

I kept my process SUPER simple, because anything more and I would be overwhelmed and not have the capacity to complete it.

I got out my trusty post-its (I decluttered a lot of them a few weeks ago, but kept a few different sizes and colors because those things make every project better and I love them) and set labels out in front of me: one for each of my 3 children alone, one for friends, extended family, etc. 

One by one I pulled photo boxes down from their shelf and sorted the photos into those piles. 

Every few photos, my old voices would try to interrupt: Shouldn’t you be organizing this by date? I can’t believe you haven’t labelled every picture. What if you die and no one knows if this photo is son 1 or son 2? Wait, is that son 1 or son 2? Wow, you’re a really bad mom. and photo organizer. 

Over and over I shushed the shame and reminded myself that anything I do today is better than it was yesterday. I got through about half my photos boxes today. For that group, I now know what photos I have. I know where to look if there’s a photo I want to show someone or use for something. 

And for today, that is enough.

Oh, and I also know I no longer need to store precious gems like this double vision photo. buh-bye. 

Week 5, Day 4: Donation Garage Sale Part 2

Donna Joy

There are experts who will tell you never to have a garage sale. (You end up storing stuff to wait for it, you never get a good return on your time, you waste time and money prepping for it, etc.)

There are experts who tell you to definitely have a garage sale. (sell EVERYTHING on your path to get out of debt, get rid of your stuff and make a little cash doing it, etc.)

I have typically been closer to the first camp. I’ve hosted a couple garage sales in the past, but they’ve always been fundraisers for specific organizations or causes I care about. For those, I gathered help, made a plan in advance for the leftovers, set up refreshments manned by adorable little bakers and lemonade servers, merchandized the inventory and advertised extensively.

This was the first time I’ve ever said, “hey, I should have a garage sale, right now, in the middle of the afternoon, while I’m home by myself and haven’t told anyone to advertise.”

A few things I learned anyway:

-It.is.exhausting. Even just the set up/tear down process of dragging everything out, dragging everything in when it got dark, dragging it back out the next day, dragging it to the garage or curb or car trunk after. Then comes getting rid of the leftovers, not to mention any time manning it.

-It is typically a horrible return on investment. Granted, some of the fundraisers I’ve had in the past brought in a very significant amount of money donated, and this one today most likely would have been much more profitable had I scheduled and advertised ahead, employed help, etc. 

-If you tell someone you are having a garage sale, 99.9999999% of the time, they will offer you their own items to bring to sell. Or they’ll just drop them off at your house. when you’re not there. on your driveway. in unmarked bags. with no contact info. 

-At least one middle aged or older man will drive by the garage sale and ask “well then, how much for the garage?”

-people will come by and say, “this is so nice, I can’t believe you’re just getting rid of it” and you will have to decide how much you want to tell a complete stranger about your journey to less stuff while standing with masks on talking across a lawn. Or the version from people who know you, “I can’t believe you’re getting rid of THIS!” (that comment from friends was usually referring craft items.)

After hosting my, uh, pop-up sale (does that make it sound more modern, inviting, and trendy than “last-minute garage sale?”) I confirmed garage sales are not my jam.

I loved getting to see some friends and neighbors I haven’t seen in at least a year. I loved gathering donation money from it. I loved getting rid of stuff. But it was 2 days of work I wasn’t planning on doing and I still have lots of stuff left to donate. (Plus two unidentified bags of donations.)

If you are getting out of debt or saving for a specific goal, go for it. Sell like it’s your job. 

If you’re just trying to get rid of stuff, just get rid of your stuff.

For me, getting rid of (the rest of) my stuff is going to mean a little tour of donation centers over the next couple days and I can.not.wait to come back home after it’s all delivered and assess how everything looks and feels. 

Week 5, Day 3: Breaking News

Donna Joy

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming for an important update:

Today I had an epiphany.

Like, a this-is-life-changing-while-also-super-obvious-why-didn’t-I realize-this-earlier-I-even-wrote-a-whole-post-about-it, kind of epiphany.

I am not motivated by shame.

I am stressed by shame.

I am physically afflicted by shame.

I am not motivated by shame.

And yet somehow, when I started this journey, I thought the most helpful and motivating thing for myself would be to keep every single item I am removing from my home in one place, so I could see the impact all together. (Read: so I could sit at the end of the challenge and wallow in a big old pile of shame clutter and hope those shame surges would motivate me to not bring so much stuff into my house in the future.)

Here’s what actually happened:

Everyday I put more and more donation items in my son’s bedroom (while he is away at college).

I balanced bags on top of boxes on top of bags. 

I got multiple piles in and started thinking about how I need to go back and re-organize what’s in there, since I realized partway through, I will likely give different types of items to different organizations.

I spent a significant amount of time with the back of my head clogged with thoughts about how I needed to Organize.The.Clutter.I’m.Giving.Away.

Let that sit a second.

Every time I go in the give-away room I’m stressed at trying to find a place for things, to the point that some things have lingered in other rooms instead of going straight to give-away because I was avoiding going in there. 

Then yesterday I decided to move some furniture around in my living/dining room.

As I walked into the rearranged room today, I caught my breath at how beautiful and peaceful it was.

I instantly wanted to do more and have that feeling in the rest of the house. 

That motivated me.

It made me feel free, lighter, peaceful. 

Right then I decided to immediately get rid of as much of my donations as possible. 

I walked outside and stuck a sign on the front yard, along with a post in my local swap and sell group that I was having a “donate what you can, if you can” sale, along with a donation link to my favorite non-profit.

It was late in the day for an outdoor “sale” and very last minute, but even so, a number of items now have very happy new owners and the non-profit has a little more money than they did yesterday. 

There are still lots of things left, so I plan to put the remainder out for one more day. Then I’ll box anything left back up, deliver it this week, and let the house and myself breathe a little deeper and feel a little freer. 

Because it turns out, being able to breathe a little deeper and a little freer is what really motivates me. 

Week 5 day 1: Starting Sentimental

Donna Joy

I’m so glad I worked through the post yesterday about the voices of my clutter before starting a week of sentimental items today. 

I’ve been holding off on sentimental items until I worked up some of my decluttering muscles and had started to become stronger in my decision making. I knew I’d start drowning if I jumped right in to the quicksand of sentimental clutter the first week.

I know some people say not to worry about getting rid of sentimental items because it’s not getting rid of the memory, you still have the memory, even if you don’t have the item. 

BUT….

I have an AWFUL memory and I love going through the various mementos I’ve saved and remembering things I’ve forgotten. 

We tend to think of sentimental things as the happy memories we want to go back to. Our photo albums are filled with smiling faces, mostly because we only take pictures of the smiling moments.

However, the memories I was confronted with as I went through the boxes in my room had a lot of voices and they were not all smiling, happy, or even kind. 

It was an emotional day as I went through each item. It was a lot to process, and I’m not ready to write about all of it. 

For today, just a little encouragement:

Take the time to send a note to someone you’re thinking of.

They may just keep it for 30 years in a drawer in their bedroom and get a little smile when they find it.

On Wednesdays We Reflect: Week 4 Reflections

Donna Joy

My stuff talks smack about me.

(in case you’re confused about the difference between smack talk and trash talk, here’s a helpful tutorial from Kelly Kapoor)

I open up my cabinet and the Instant Pot taunts me: “how many times have you really pulled me off this shelf and used me?”

I open my closet and clothes scream, “hey there, chubby, you don’t think you could actually wear me, do you?”

I open a drawer in my craft dresser, and the watercolor pencils say, “woah, remember the last time you tried to use me? You were soooo bad at it!”

Everywhere I have clutter, there is a voice emanating from it. And they’re rarely kind:

“quitter”

“worthless”

 “idiot”

“slacker”

“slob”

“loser”

“hack”

And those voices aren’t just mean. They’re loud. Loud enough to drown out other voices I want to hear and need to hear. 

Some of my things actually have beautiful voices. I love fresh flowers and I usually keep a few small arrangements in different rooms of my house. Sometimes it’s just a few sprigs of pine or wildflowers from the yard, sometimes it’s a bouquet from the grocery store, but those flowers typically sing reminders to me that there is beauty in the world.

I don’t want to drown out those beautiful voices. 

I also don’t want to drown out the voices that truly help me become a better person.

But clutter doesn’t make me become a better person. Clutter doesn’t speak encouragement or motivation, it speaks shame. And voices of shame rarely motivate us to grow. In fact, researcher, author, and speaker Brené Brown defines shame as,

“the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. I don’t believe shame is helpful or productive. In fact, I think shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure.” (you can find more of Brené’s work here)

I hear the watercolor pencils tell me I am flawed every time I open the craft drawer. I feel the shame of unworthiness when my closet is filled with clothes that don’t fit. 

As I declutter my home, I am realizing how powerful those voices can be, even when I don’t realize they’re speaking to me. They can create shame patterns that spiral into the hurtful and destructive cycles Brené acknowledge. 

There are a lot of voices I need to listen to, like the voice that tells me I am wonderfully made, fully and beautifully loved.

I also need to listen to the voices that help me grow – like the voices of loving friends, or the fresh veggies calling out to be chosen over the leftover soda bread. 

It’s one thing to silence the voice of an underused Instant Pot, accessory or craft item. It would be a whole other thing to try to silence the voice of an upside-down budget by shredding your bills instead of paying them. I’m not advocating for shirking responsibility but reminding myself that it’s ok to remove voices that speak unnecessary and destructive shame from my life in order to clear space for what is really necessary and beneficial in my life. 

Anyone want a barely used Instant Pot?

Week 4, Day 3: Putting it back together

Donna Joy

This week is all about “what do I stock up on?” So far I’ve look at my cleaning supplies and health and beauty items. Today I put my linen closet and bathroom vanity back together – the two places I most typically store those kinds of products. I even bought a new organizing product – an over the door iron holder. It has been sitting in my online cart since I cleaned out my clothes closet and decided it was the wrong place for the iron, but I refused to purchase the new holder until I cleaned out the linen closet and made sure it would work there. (I’m trying to retain the lesson from the metal boxes!)
The ironing board holder works exactly how I wanted it to. The drawers I had added to my cart for under my bathroom sink, however, got removed when I realized that the lazy susan I no longer need on my kitchen table is the perfect solution. I’ll want to update the labels on my storage bins in my linen closet at some point, but everything now has a home, everything is reachable without knocking something else over, and everything is an item we use and like, all for the bargain price of $15.87 and a little time.

Check out Instagram for pics of the re-homed lazy susan in the bathroom vanity.

Week 4, Day 1: Cleaning Supplies

Donna Joy

Having everything breeds isolation. 

Except maybe if having everything includes owning a beach house, then I’ve heard you may never experience isolation again.

A beach house we once rented had a sign in the kitchen that read:
“You never know how many friends you have until you own a beach house.”

My neighbor used to have a bumper sticker on the back of his pick-up truck. 
“Yes, this is my truck. No, I won’t help you move.”

I get the frustration behind those sentiments. They both seem to be reacting against a feeling of being taken advantage of.vBut without veering into taking advantage of people, I think owning everything ourselves can limit opportunities to connect and create community.

As I was going through my cleaning supplies today, I came across a dryer vent cleaning kit. Many, many years ago a neighbor friend and I split the cost of the kit. I have no idea why we decided to split the cost of a dryer vent cleaning kit, but we did. And now a couple times a year, one of us will text the other,
“Hey, do you have the dryer kit?”
And we’ll trade it back and forth.

Over the years we’ve also traded camping equipment, kayaks, life jackets, crock pots, and countless other items. Usually, those trades end up including a front porch or kitchen table conversation, sometimes over a cup of coffee.

I love those conversations. 

Each exchange then becomes an opportunity for connection we might not have if we both owned it all ourselves.

I love this concept of relationship and community through shared stuff, instead of owning everything.

Less stuff taking up room in our garages and basements, more shared coffee and conversation. 

Sign me up.